Merry Christmas?

Hm...celebrated christmas eve yesterday, was a pretty decent, mature and nice celebration, pretty quiet though...I guess it just dawned upon me that everyone has grown up, we hardly do the non-sober nonsense, and yesterday for once, it was really more like an adult-gathering where there was the prim, proper polite talking going on and just simple. No, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it, actually a whole lot, but it just seems well I don't know. It didn't end too well, I had a BAD BAD headache and was nauseous, so had to leave early and ran outta my friend's apartment, puking all the way home, yes literally puking all the way home and nope, no nicer way of putting it because that was as least horrendous as it sounds. Anyways, as I've said, that was one part of it, but above it all, I was overwhelmed with mixed emotions yesterday, mixed mixed emotions, part of me was worrying about exams in Jan and really really want it to be over with and dreaming of the holiday that ensues after that, which is what happens before every exam...dreaming about it to be over, but this time, along with that, part of me really really don't want all these to end, I don't want to even think about the time after exams because that would mean a new phase of my life is going to begin and I'm stepping out of this zone I've built for myself for the past 2 years. Well, mostly, I'll be parting with the people here and above it all, Cecil, and also there's a whole new challenge out there when I get back, new people, new circumstances, new ...god new everything! Are humans just not adaptive to changes? It's exciting cause I'll be home and meeting my good old friends who are dearest and closest to me at heart but it's really saddening as well to think of what I'll be leaving behind here. I wanna work the relationship out, I want my studies and everything to go well, I want everything...but can I have them all? They always say, just give your best, put in your effort and at the end of the day, as long as you can look back and say "Well, I've given my best" then there should be no regrets. But is it all that easy? I will try for sure, but as much as I try living the present, I just cant help wondering about the future...what it beholds for me...life...and all it's about...Perhaps it's part of growing up...or growing old...